Guess who's back, back again!

It's been a minute since I've logged onto my blog! Not much has been going on in my world since I last connected with y'all. I gave up on my last "diet." UGGHH! I thought I could go without carbs, but that was just not going to happen!

Welcome Back!

Why, hello there world. It has been 9 months since my last confes... err post. There has been a lot of things going on in my life since July 2014. Let me fill you in...

A new reality

I've had this realization of why I'm struggling with losing as effectively as I did the last time around. It's not a way to place blame elsewhere, but it's just my new reality...

Refocusing

I'm really trying to get back on track with everything lately...

Cooking, cleaning, blogging, getting in more movement {not being so LAZY}, eating right... 

I've just kind of been doing "whatever" lately and it doesn't feel right. I've been a lot more tired and sluggish. When I go off program, it affects everything in my life. It's pretty amazing what eating healthy does to your body. It transforms me entirely. Mind, mood, body, attitude, focus, drive, motivation... etc. 

Long overdue

Oh my ... I haven't posted At ALL in June! How pitiful! I've been a bit busy, but that's no excuse to forget about updating for all you lovely people out there - right?! HA!

For real though, I haven't updated since the day after Memorial Day and there's plenty to talk about.

Motivation Monday

Good morning to all my lovely readers! It's a beautiful day here in Oklahoma City and I'm sitting on the couch blogging to you... HA! Nice! I'm perfectly fine with this though, because Baby S is sleeping. I can't leave him anyway. Hopefully we'll make it outside later. 

New Dawn... New Day.

I've been so dreading this post, but it has to happen...

I didn't forget!

  Woah, 2 posts in one week! Is this real life? Amazing...

I realized on Monday's post I failed to update my measurements. I did measure myself that night. I didn't forget... I just lost track of time and never got back on here to type it all out.

It's been 4 weeks!

It's Monday, so of course that means I'm back with an update! I feel kind of guilty that I only come to blog on my weigh-in day. It was nice getting to come here a few times a week, but life gets busy. Honestly, I'm not really sure how many people check this out anyway. I suppose if I felt like I got more traffic, I'd make more of an effort. It's okay though, because I like tracking weekly just for myself.

Frustration

There is no one to blame except myself, but I am beyond frustrated right now! It's not the program's fault, but my own. 

First week down

I had lots and lots of fun at my brother and sister-in-law's house this weekend. We had such a nice visit and I was so happy we got a weekend away! I told y'all traveling was such a trigger for me... with all the temptations, I was nervous about how I would do.

Still learning...

Hello errrbody! I'm feeling good and doing good. It seems like I've already been on plan for weeks. Not in a bad way, but in a "been there done that" kind of way. Or so I thought!

Today is the day!

Day One. Here we go...

Starting weight is at 228.5lbs.

FAIL

Hey everyone! Here's an update to how I've been completely failing myself and my health. UGH! I weighed in at 232lbs. at yesterday's weigh in. Yeah, I have pretty much given up on all attempts at healthy choices. I feel stupid even coming on here to admit this, but I told y'all I would be honest!

Just Dancercise

Yesterday I had the pleasure of enjoying a nice, long, hot shower with Pandora blasting loud through the speakers. {Sam took the baby out, so I was home a lone.} It's one of the many things that I absolutely adore! Playing my music at an absurd volume and singing in the shower. I don't really get to do it anymore; whether I'm in the car or in the shower/bath, with little ears around, I have to keep it at a reasonable volume. 

Making the necessary changes

Hey everyone! Well, it's that time again... time to reveal the horrifying number on the scale from this morning's weigh-in {since I failed to do it last Friday}. I knew it wouldn't be pretty; I was hoping I was wrong, but I KNEW I was right.

No surprise here...

  Surprise, {or not} it's Friday and I didn't weigh in. I'm not going to lie {as always... I feel I'm pretty honest and open on here..} I said last week that I knew this week would not be pretty. I'm pretty terrified! From the last weigh in the scale moved in the wrong direction and I'm back up to

Relatable post

  One of the many things I hate about being fat is seeing people I haven't seen in a long time. I hate running into old friends, people from high school, people I use to go to church with, and even family that I don't get to see often. It's miserable for me. It's embarrassing. For the most part, I'm praying they just don't recognize me {minus family}. I seriously cringe and it's a real fear. 

Catching up

  I didn't get a chance to weigh in on Friday morning {my normal weigh in day}, or Saturday morning either, because my son had a rough two nights. {Teething...} Sunday morning I got up for church and weighed in. Down another 2.5 lbs. {226}! I've lost a total of 11 lbs. since January 10th. As of today, February 11th, I realize that in one month's time I've done fairly well, considering I haven't been as strict on myself as I have planned to be.

Just 4 more pounds to go to meet one of my short term goals. {Losing 15 lbs.} I hope I can accomplish my other 2 short term goals in a timely matter. Once I complete those, I plan on creating more short term goals, until I eventually reach my long term goals.

No judging.

  I was watching Good Morning America this morning, as I do every morning, and they had a special guest on at the end of the segment. It was the infamous Honey-Boo-Boo and her momma. First, let me just say that I have NEVER, Never, e.v.e.r. watched their T.V. show. I also never saw her on the show Toddlers and Tiaras, where she first became infamous. I just can't handle it. I think it is so sad. Second, It's borderline child abuse, in my opinion, when you completely exploit your child. She is famous for being overweight and funny, so her parents encourage this outrageous behavior. I do not know their life, I do not know their circumstances or struggles. I'm not here to judge. I am however entitled to an opinion. I am capable of making different observations about them.

This is not judging. I have no room to talk about someone being overweight and unhealthy, because that's me. That's my life. It's personal. It's hurtful. I speak purely out of concern.

There is a difference between knowing you're unhealthy and wanting to change and ignoring you're unhealthy and refusing to change so that you can have a T.V show. When I saw the mom, June, on GMA I just thought "how sad!" You couldn't even see her eyes. She didn't look like she could open them. {GMA didn't have a picture of June looking ahead. Their pic below.} You can tell her daughter keeps gaining weight, too. As a mother, I'm so upset that I'm influencing my child by my unhealthy lifestyle. I would never wish ill health or bad habits to be instilled into Baby S. That is a part of why I'm on my journey to get healthy. Not just for me, but for him! For all the moms out there, that don't have that same wish for their child {to live their best and healthiest life}, just breaks my heart.

{Side note: after googling images of June, I noticed it appears she has lost some weight! That is great news. Like I said, I don't keep up with them; I do not know their lives, situation, or challenges. If she is actively working to a healthier lifestyle... then I am here to be her cheerleader! I hope she chooses health and wants to be a better role model for her daughter.}

So, from one extreme to the other...

I use to watch The Biggest Loser all the time. It would be on a roller coaster of emotions. I was inspired, broke down, motivated and ultimately proud of their accomplishments. Eventually they lost some of the trainers and it became more of a "game" than a journey to lose the weight. I caught a couple episodes this season, saw the 3 finalists and they looked great! I know they  generally tone up and lose a little more weight at the finale. Once I saw David, I thought he had it in the bag. He had done so well and you could see his muscle tone. I was shocked to see the winner was indeed, Rachel. I've never seen a winner and thought they didn't deserve it. They all bust it and worked so hard to where they are now. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it. I'm also not saying she has an eating disorder as many news stations {gossip channels} are stating. I won't go that far. I think she may have lost the most weight possible just to win the money. I was just disappointed that the winner didn't appear to have optimal health. I didn't really see much muscle tone. I think she actually looked better at 150lbs. instead of 105lbs. Yeah, she needed some toning at 150lbs., but she was close to the right weight for her height. I feel it's wrong to do "skinny bashing" as much as it is to do "fat bashing." I'm proud of her for staying committed and losing the weight! I hope she gains a little bit back now that she won. {Or just gain her muscle tone back}. 

I'll let you decide your own opinion on her weight loss...

So what do you think? Looks good or too far? Skinny does not always = healthy. {Think Anorexia..} Again, reiterating, I'm not saying that she is anorexic. I don't think she has a problem, I think she just went to the extremes to earn that cash prize! I just hope she is on a good path to maintain and live healthily. I'm routing for June and Rachel. We all need cheerleaders and not people to judge us on our journeys.

As women, we already feel the pressures of society to be "perfect." Britney Spears {LOVE HER!} said it perfectly in her song "Piece of Me" on her come-back-from-crazy album "Blackout:"

"I'm Mrs. she's too big now she's too thin..."

We, as women, can never and will never please "everyone" in the world. There will always be someone who says we are: too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too ugly, wear too much make-up... etc. etc. Since it's impossible to please everyone, lets stop striving for it! Don't think "I want/need to look like [insert celebrity]." Think "I want to be healthy and look good so I can feel like a super star for myself!" 

Next time you are at the store or out in public... look around, but don't judge. Empathize. See the woman next to you who looks like she has it all together? Don't compare yourself to her. Neither of you know each other's stories. Maybe she was in your shoes a year ago. Don't look down on her because she has accomplished her goals! And to that woman who looks down at someone like me, don't look so disgusted. I'm trying! I want to do better and be better. You don't know where I'm going or where I've been. Can we all just agree to support one another and stop judging each other? *Steps off soap box*

Matthew 7:3-5