Welcome Back!

Why, hello there world. It has been 9 months since my last confes... err post. There has been a lot of things going on in my life since July 2014. Let me fill you in...

Long overdue

Oh my ... I haven't posted At ALL in June! How pitiful! I've been a bit busy, but that's no excuse to forget about updating for all you lovely people out there - right?! HA!

For real though, I haven't updated since the day after Memorial Day and there's plenty to talk about.

No surprise here...

  Surprise, {or not} it's Friday and I didn't weigh in. I'm not going to lie {as always... I feel I'm pretty honest and open on here..} I said last week that I knew this week would not be pretty. I'm pretty terrified! From the last weigh in the scale moved in the wrong direction and I'm back up to

Catching up

  I didn't get a chance to weigh in on Friday morning {my normal weigh in day}, or Saturday morning either, because my son had a rough two nights. {Teething...} Sunday morning I got up for church and weighed in. Down another 2.5 lbs. {226}! I've lost a total of 11 lbs. since January 10th. As of today, February 11th, I realize that in one month's time I've done fairly well, considering I haven't been as strict on myself as I have planned to be.

Just 4 more pounds to go to meet one of my short term goals. {Losing 15 lbs.} I hope I can accomplish my other 2 short term goals in a timely matter. Once I complete those, I plan on creating more short term goals, until I eventually reach my long term goals.

No judging.

  I was watching Good Morning America this morning, as I do every morning, and they had a special guest on at the end of the segment. It was the infamous Honey-Boo-Boo and her momma. First, let me just say that I have NEVER, Never, e.v.e.r. watched their T.V. show. I also never saw her on the show Toddlers and Tiaras, where she first became infamous. I just can't handle it. I think it is so sad. Second, It's borderline child abuse, in my opinion, when you completely exploit your child. She is famous for being overweight and funny, so her parents encourage this outrageous behavior. I do not know their life, I do not know their circumstances or struggles. I'm not here to judge. I am however entitled to an opinion. I am capable of making different observations about them.

This is not judging. I have no room to talk about someone being overweight and unhealthy, because that's me. That's my life. It's personal. It's hurtful. I speak purely out of concern.

There is a difference between knowing you're unhealthy and wanting to change and ignoring you're unhealthy and refusing to change so that you can have a T.V show. When I saw the mom, June, on GMA I just thought "how sad!" You couldn't even see her eyes. She didn't look like she could open them. {GMA didn't have a picture of June looking ahead. Their pic below.} You can tell her daughter keeps gaining weight, too. As a mother, I'm so upset that I'm influencing my child by my unhealthy lifestyle. I would never wish ill health or bad habits to be instilled into Baby S. That is a part of why I'm on my journey to get healthy. Not just for me, but for him! For all the moms out there, that don't have that same wish for their child {to live their best and healthiest life}, just breaks my heart.

{Side note: after googling images of June, I noticed it appears she has lost some weight! That is great news. Like I said, I don't keep up with them; I do not know their lives, situation, or challenges. If she is actively working to a healthier lifestyle... then I am here to be her cheerleader! I hope she chooses health and wants to be a better role model for her daughter.}

So, from one extreme to the other...

I use to watch The Biggest Loser all the time. It would be on a roller coaster of emotions. I was inspired, broke down, motivated and ultimately proud of their accomplishments. Eventually they lost some of the trainers and it became more of a "game" than a journey to lose the weight. I caught a couple episodes this season, saw the 3 finalists and they looked great! I know they  generally tone up and lose a little more weight at the finale. Once I saw David, I thought he had it in the bag. He had done so well and you could see his muscle tone. I was shocked to see the winner was indeed, Rachel. I've never seen a winner and thought they didn't deserve it. They all bust it and worked so hard to where they are now. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it. I'm also not saying she has an eating disorder as many news stations {gossip channels} are stating. I won't go that far. I think she may have lost the most weight possible just to win the money. I was just disappointed that the winner didn't appear to have optimal health. I didn't really see much muscle tone. I think she actually looked better at 150lbs. instead of 105lbs. Yeah, she needed some toning at 150lbs., but she was close to the right weight for her height. I feel it's wrong to do "skinny bashing" as much as it is to do "fat bashing." I'm proud of her for staying committed and losing the weight! I hope she gains a little bit back now that she won. {Or just gain her muscle tone back}. 

I'll let you decide your own opinion on her weight loss...

So what do you think? Looks good or too far? Skinny does not always = healthy. {Think Anorexia..} Again, reiterating, I'm not saying that she is anorexic. I don't think she has a problem, I think she just went to the extremes to earn that cash prize! I just hope she is on a good path to maintain and live healthily. I'm routing for June and Rachel. We all need cheerleaders and not people to judge us on our journeys.

As women, we already feel the pressures of society to be "perfect." Britney Spears {LOVE HER!} said it perfectly in her song "Piece of Me" on her come-back-from-crazy album "Blackout:"

"I'm Mrs. she's too big now she's too thin..."

We, as women, can never and will never please "everyone" in the world. There will always be someone who says we are: too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too ugly, wear too much make-up... etc. etc. Since it's impossible to please everyone, lets stop striving for it! Don't think "I want/need to look like [insert celebrity]." Think "I want to be healthy and look good so I can feel like a super star for myself!" 

Next time you are at the store or out in public... look around, but don't judge. Empathize. See the woman next to you who looks like she has it all together? Don't compare yourself to her. Neither of you know each other's stories. Maybe she was in your shoes a year ago. Don't look down on her because she has accomplished her goals! And to that woman who looks down at someone like me, don't look so disgusted. I'm trying! I want to do better and be better. You don't know where I'm going or where I've been. Can we all just agree to support one another and stop judging each other? *Steps off soap box*

Matthew 7:3-5

Not giving up

  I am still challenged everyday by the decisions I make. Should I eat this or that? One bite won't "count," right? I've done pretty good... I could indulge today. So on so forth. I have made a lot of good choices, but I have slipped up and made some not-so-good choices too. Samuel and I have eaten out 4 times since January 10th. I have gone out an additional time, without Sam. Two times at Subway {good choices!}, once at Chili's, {I got salad that wasn't exactly a "healthy" salad...} and chinese food {I don't even have to say what I got, because it's obvious that it was a bad choice}. Yesterday my in-laws took me out for lunch and we had Olive Garden. I decided to stick with the "lighter" menu. I ordered their garlic rosemary chicken. It was okay. I really missed eating my "regular" shrimp mezzaluna. I struggled with only getting one helping of the salad {since I knew the dressing was fattening}; I tried to avoid the breadsticks, but they were just STARING at me. I mean, right? They were STARING! Ugh. So I had two. *Sigh*

Heading in the right direction

  Thank goodness it's Friday. Can I get an Amen? 

Let me tell you, this week has been something else. With my emotions running high, being completely stressed out and worried about finances, Baby S teething again, not thinking I was making great choices {but not giving up}, family members getting sick and having surgeries, and being so busy in our every day life that I feel like I don't even get quality time with my husband... *deep breath* it's been a long week.

After everything,

Excuses, Excuses

First off, Happy Hump Day Y'all!

  I've been pretty down lately. I haven't been making the greatest decisions. I've been lazy. I've been making a lot of excuses...

It has never been easy {even when I've been in shape, healthy, skinny} for me to be active or eat healthy when the I'm on my period. {Side not to all the guys: Sorry dudes, this is totally a girly girl's blog and we're all grown-ups here. Girls have periods. Surprise!} I have the worst PMS. It just knocks me off my butt! Seriously. Major fatigue, back ache, headaches, cramps, extreme moodiness, CRAVINGS, and increased hunger. I like to crawl in bed and sleep the week away {but that is completely unrealistic, especially with a baby}. The CRAZY comes out and I pretty much say "bye bye" to healthy choices. Chocolate? DID YOU SAY CHOCOLATE!? Yes, please! Greasy mexican food? Count me in! Dessert every night? Sign me up!

It happens e.v.e.r.y t.i.m.e!

   

Sorry I've been slacking with my posts this week! Who has two thumbs and has been super sick? 

I'm fairly positive that I don't have the flu, but I've got whatever comes right under that. Yes, that is a self-diagnosis. No, I haven't gone to the Dr. No, I don't have any plans on going. Today is the first day that getting out of bed has been halfway doable. Maybe it's because I actually have to get out of bed today to take care of my child!? HA! Mommy problems! 

{Side note: Huge THANK YOU to my dear mother in law who is always willing to take Baby S for the day to help me out in any way. And she does so HAPPILY. #Blessed}

Anyway,

A little life lesson from Megan on "Bridemaids"...

I'm baaaaaack!

My poor little Baby S ended up having a tooth pop up! We believed he had been teething for, like, 2 months {with all the chewing, biting and drooling going on}. So glad he finally cut that tooth. It took forever. Whoever says babies don't get fevers when they teeth are just plain silly. Every tooth he has had he has been super fussy, acting sickly, and has at least a low-grade fever. This time, it was a little worse.

Taming triggers and temptations

Temptations. We've all been there...

  Well, I felt as if I had been making strides in my new lifestyle changes. Going along, making good choices, and then BAM! I went to a friend's house where I was expecting to make good choices and be supported in those choices {since everyone knows I'm trying to be healthy}, but instead was confronted and tempted by my kryptonite. The dreaded: sweets. You can't avoid them, you can't expect others to avoid them just because you are, they will always be around, and will always be an option. I wasn't tempted by my friends and they didn't encourage me to "have a small bite." They knew that I was avoiding it at all cost, but I was tempted by them enjoying it. 

Getting started, where to begin?

  

  Welcome to my journey. I'm just starting, so if you'd like to follow a long and join me, I'd love the support! If you've stumbled upon my blog here, I have a feeling my story isn't much different than yours. Here is my background...

 New mother of a 7 month old (8 months on the 22nd!) and wife to an amazing husband who supports me and loves his family so much. To no surprise, my weight gain, this time around, came during my pregnancy. In August 2012, I got a positive on my pregnancy test and was so thrilled! I had started losing weight earlier that year; dedicated to losing weight to have a baby and I met my goal. 150 lbs! Yay me! Unfortunately, I felt I could take a break from my strict lifestyle and have a carefree pregnancy. I gained all of my weight back plus some, during those short 9 months.  I have a lot of weight to lose, but this isn't the first time I've struggled with weight...

Let me back it up further.

 In high school I played volleyball and it kept me in great shape. I weighed about 150-160 and I was solid muscle. After I graduated (in 2006) I weighed in at about 165-175. I immediately started gaining weight, since I was no longer active. I was also struggling with a lot of dysfunction in my family that was causing severe depression. Over the course of several years I was getting larger and larger. I was already dating my husband in high school and we married in 2008. We both blew up the scale and realized something had to give. My husband yo-yo's a lot. I tried fad diets and of course it never stuck. My heaviest in December of 2011, was 220 lbs. I knew that I could not go on living this lifestyle. I found Take Shape For Life {TSFL} and used Medifast products starting in April of 2012 (after doing WW for a few months and losing an initial 20 lbs. then plateauing) and it was my life saver! I began the program and knew that if I could meet my goal, then I could finally allow myself to start trying for a family. So if you're keeping track- From April 2012 to August 2012- I lost about 50 lbs. YES. That is no lie.  TSFL helped me drop that weight in a snap. During my pregnancy I gained about 60-65lbs. Yikes!! What did I do? Well, I just knew for sure that whatever weight I gained during my pregnancy would come right off with breastfeeding and going back on program, with TSFL, right??? WRONG. Breastfeeding helped for the first few weeks and I was down from 227 to 207. Awesome! Yeah, except, I was soo much hungrier breastfeeding then what I ever was pregnant. After the breastfeeding stopped helping me lose, the pounds started sneaking back up. 

 Now we are up to date, to today, right now. As I sit here and type, I'm officially at my heaviest ever and I feel fat, gross and hopeless. The worst set of numbers in consecutive order that I have ever seen... 2.3.7. In any other circumstance, those numbers mean nothing to me, but put together in that order = utter disgust and failure. What have I done to myself?

 Well you may be thinking "if TSFL worked so well, why are you not just going back on it as planned?" Unfortunately due to me quitting my job to stay home with my son, I cannot afford to go back on the TSFL program. We are on a very tight budget, but it's worth me being home to raise our son. So, that is why. For anyone interested in the program, I will link my health coach's website here and you can contact them with any questions. Seriously, if you can afford it, then do it!! So, moving on, what does this mean for me?

 Today is day one. No, I haven't actually started any fancy program and I cannot afford the gym either, but my mindset is focusing on what I'm going to accomplish in 2014. If your New Year's Resolution is to "lose weight" then please give up on that right now!! Let me explain.. How many times has that been your resolution? How many years do you fail? Exactly! This year will be different! This year is about a revolution! Let's make a change in ourselves. Let's  make a lifestyle change! I don't want to lose this weight, because I have no hopes or plans for ever finding it! I want it gone and a part of my past that will better me in my future. I want something that will change me for the better, forever! How about you? Are you wanting to make a lifestyle change this year? Let's do this! Follow me on my journey and help me succeed! Encouragement, strength, comfort; All the things I find in my faith, and with God on my side, with the support from my friends and family and encouragement from fellow journey-takers,  I can do this. 1/8/14. It begins...

My goals (in no particular order):

• Lose about 80 lbs.
• Lose the weight be the end of the year
• Be able to run around with my son (or just chase after him) without being tired easily
• Be comfortable in my own skin
• Gain back my confidence
• Be a better wife, physically, mentally and emotionally
• Be a good example for my son
• Be an inspiration for other mothers

What are your goals for this New Year?