One of the many things I hate about being fat is seeing people I haven't seen in a long time. I hate running into old friends, people from high school, people I use to go to church with, and even family that I don't get to see often. It's miserable for me. It's embarrassing. For the most part, I'm praying they just don't recognize me {minus family}. I seriously cringe and it's a real fear.
This weekend I'm going to my old church {not giving away too much detail, as it is apart of the surprise celebration} and I'm going to see people I haven't seen since I was about 14. Obviously I have changed a lot since I was a teenager. Even if I wasn't over weight, I would be a different person and look different too. I've been told a lot of my old friends/acquaintances are no longer there. That is such a relief.
I hate this feeling. I hate being embarrassed, anxious and stressed about running into people. It's really hard wondering what they're thinking about me. As if I wasn't already self conscious enough...
Not to be overly negative, but I think this a relatable topic; it helps me stay focused on my goal. Listing all some of the things that I hate that make me uncomfortable while being overweight:
- When I carry my son, my shirt lifts up, potentially showing my rolls
- No longer being able to hide rolls... no matter what I wear
- Having to sit on the floor with Baby S instead of kneeling or leaning down
- Holding Baby S for too long, making my back hurt
- Having a hard time getting off the floor from sitting down with Baby S
- Being short of breath after doing hardly anything
- Being in a poor mood because I'm just unhappy with me
- Being with my husband... The lights are ALWAYS OFF
- How lazy I get
- How nothing in my closet fits
- Paying more for clothes because they use more material to make that size
- Not being able to see {or reach for that matter} places on my body
- Feeling my arms flap and jiggle
I think that's enough for now. HA! So depressing... but in a g...ood way? Hmm.
More motivation! I use that negativity to fuel my drive. I don't want to feel that anymore. I want to be proud! I'll get there. Taking it one day at a time!
Oh, Miss Lauren I am so sorry you are having all of these terrible feelings. My only advice is get a dimmer switch for the bedroom, that might be a good compromise. Seriously though, next time we are having nice weather and it is not a Wednesday hit me up to go to the zoo. My zoo pass is good through April and I can bring one guest for free (that would be you) and babies are free.
ReplyDeleteIt's all good, Becky! Thank you. (:
DeleteYeah! That sounds great... I'd love to go. {Not just for Samson, but I haven't been to the zoo in Forever and been dying to go} Hopefully the good weather will be moving in soon!