Just Dancercise

Yesterday I had the pleasure of enjoying a nice, long, hot shower with Pandora blasting loud through the speakers. {Sam took the baby out, so I was home a lone.} It's one of the many things that I absolutely adore! Playing my music at an absurd volume and singing in the shower. I don't really get to do it anymore; whether I'm in the car or in the shower/bath, with little ears around, I have to keep it at a reasonable volume. 

Making the necessary changes

Hey everyone! Well, it's that time again... time to reveal the horrifying number on the scale from this morning's weigh-in {since I failed to do it last Friday}. I knew it wouldn't be pretty; I was hoping I was wrong, but I KNEW I was right.

No surprise here...

  Surprise, {or not} it's Friday and I didn't weigh in. I'm not going to lie {as always... I feel I'm pretty honest and open on here..} I said last week that I knew this week would not be pretty. I'm pretty terrified! From the last weigh in the scale moved in the wrong direction and I'm back up to

Question for my readers

Hey girls!

I was reading a blog this morning about "Why frumpy makes you grumpy." And it got me thinking...

Surprise revealed

  The results are in from Saturday... and I knew it wouldn't be pretty. I gained 1.5lbs. {currently 227.5} Ughhh! At least I had mentally prepared myself for it. This week will probably be another bad week. At least I had a good time!

So the surprise was

Have a Wonderful Weekend. Happy Valentine's Day!

I guess I'm going to have to change my weigh-in day, because I can never manage to wake up and weigh myself before the baby wakes up. I have a demanding little guy. When he's up, he's UP! He's ready to get out of his bed... {Screaming, yelling "mom," crying, pulling himself up and trying to figure out how to get of bed. Hopefully he never figures that out, cause that would be a long fall...} Anyway. You get the point. He wakes me up and I have to run in the kitchen to make a bottle and "rescue" him from his crib. I may not get to blog this weekend due to the overwhelming schedule I have. I'll update my weigh in when I get back... {not looking forward it...}

Relatable post

  One of the many things I hate about being fat is seeing people I haven't seen in a long time. I hate running into old friends, people from high school, people I use to go to church with, and even family that I don't get to see often. It's miserable for me. It's embarrassing. For the most part, I'm praying they just don't recognize me {minus family}. I seriously cringe and it's a real fear. 

Get to know me...

  I thought it would be fun to post random things about me. For those of you who know me, for those of you who are getting to know me, and for those of you who don't know me at all... I figured this would be a good ice-breaker and easy read. It's not very in-depth or personal. Just for funsies.

Here we go...

1. Are you named after anyone?
Yes, kind of. My mom liked Super-model Lauren Hutton... so that's where she got my first name. {Fun extra: She wanted to name me Elise, but couldn't find a middle name to go with it. LOVE THAT NAME! She also liked my middle name, Ashley, as a first name. My grandma called me Ashley when she met me at the hospital because she didn't know mom had changed the arrangement to Lauren Ashley}  

2. When was the last time you cried?This morning. There was an incredibly heart-wrenching and beautiful story a mom shared on her blog about her twin babies. She had a very long and heart breaking pregnancy that ended up with the babies in heaven. She sounds like an incredible woman. Such faith. I sobbed.

3. Do you have kids?
Yes, a beautiful baby boy {whom I refer to as Baby S}.

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?
I say yes! I'm pretty fun to be around... I think I'm funny and a good listener. I'd say I make a good friend.

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot?Nooo...  neverrr... 

6. Will you ever bungee-jump?
Uh, no. Next? ---------->

7. What’s your favorite cereal? 
Raisin Nut Bran or Honey Bunches with Clusters {I graduated from Lucky Charms}

8. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Hmmm... if they seem friendly or not. I try not to judge people, but my insecurities always get the best of me when I meet a new super pretty and skinny girl. I assume they judge me first - therefore they are mean and rude and I don't give them a chance to hurt me {when in reality they could be super sweet and awesome!}

9. What is your eye color?
Brown. Like chocolate... Mmmm Chocolate!

10. Scary movie or happy endings?
Happy ending every time. I hate hate hate scary movies. I refuse to watch them... I hide my eyes during previews/trailers for new scary movies coming out. 

11. Favorite smells?
My husband. Coffee. My son {with a clean diaper. Ha!} Sweet candles. My perfume: Viva La Juicy.

12. Summer or winter?
Summa Summa Summa TIME!

13. Computer or television?
Ooooh. Tough. I say TV because I can use the internet on my phone or iPad! Is that cheating? Then I choose computer because I can watch shows online. Ha. I win.

14. Where’s the furthest you have ever been from home?
Hawaii. Furthest I've traveled. Wish I could go back someday! That place is truly paradise. Could have stayed forever!

15. Do you have any special talents?
I can wiggle my eyes, rapidly. 

16. Where were you born?
Tulsa, Oklahoma.

17. What are your hobbies?
Pretending to be crafty {like pinning ideas but never doing them...}, entertaining, blogging...

18. Do you have any pets?
Yes, a fur-baby, Bear. He's a shih-tzu

19. Favorite movie?
I hate this question. I love sooo many different movies, I cannot possibly pick a favorite. Sometimes when a new movie comes out that is awesome, it's my new favorite. It's constantly changing. I love so many different genres. Comedy, Rom-Com, Action, Disney/Pixar...

20. Do you have any siblings?
Yes. I have an older sister and a younger brother. {MIDDLE CHILD ALERT!} Both siblings are married {as am I. My hubby has 2 brothers}. So I also have 3 sister in-laws and 3 brother in-laws.

21. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Well, this questionnaire shows my age... because I thought I was grown! I love being a homemaker. Before I became a mother, I worked as a Pharmacy Technician and I loved it. There are many ups and downs to working in a Pharmacy, but my favorite moments are getting to truly take care of patients, showing them I do care, and helping them {financially, saving money on meds, staying on top of their healthcare, being their advocate, explaining insurance, or being a listening ear.} I love helping people.

Catching up

  I didn't get a chance to weigh in on Friday morning {my normal weigh in day}, or Saturday morning either, because my son had a rough two nights. {Teething...} Sunday morning I got up for church and weighed in. Down another 2.5 lbs. {226}! I've lost a total of 11 lbs. since January 10th. As of today, February 11th, I realize that in one month's time I've done fairly well, considering I haven't been as strict on myself as I have planned to be.

Just 4 more pounds to go to meet one of my short term goals. {Losing 15 lbs.} I hope I can accomplish my other 2 short term goals in a timely matter. Once I complete those, I plan on creating more short term goals, until I eventually reach my long term goals.

Baby it's cold outside...

  This cold weather is the pits! It makes me feel so tired and lazy. I want to stay in bed where it is warm and cozy. I'm so cold! I try to refrain from cranking up the thermostat. It's awful! I'm resisting the urge to climb back in bed, though {for now!} Need Sam to come home so I can stick my cold feet on him! {ha!} He warms them up for me... but hates it. Sorry honey!

So, I've been going around the house cleaning, doing all the chores I hate... ugh. 

No judging.

  I was watching Good Morning America this morning, as I do every morning, and they had a special guest on at the end of the segment. It was the infamous Honey-Boo-Boo and her momma. First, let me just say that I have NEVER, Never, e.v.e.r. watched their T.V. show. I also never saw her on the show Toddlers and Tiaras, where she first became infamous. I just can't handle it. I think it is so sad. Second, It's borderline child abuse, in my opinion, when you completely exploit your child. She is famous for being overweight and funny, so her parents encourage this outrageous behavior. I do not know their life, I do not know their circumstances or struggles. I'm not here to judge. I am however entitled to an opinion. I am capable of making different observations about them.

This is not judging. I have no room to talk about someone being overweight and unhealthy, because that's me. That's my life. It's personal. It's hurtful. I speak purely out of concern.

There is a difference between knowing you're unhealthy and wanting to change and ignoring you're unhealthy and refusing to change so that you can have a T.V show. When I saw the mom, June, on GMA I just thought "how sad!" You couldn't even see her eyes. She didn't look like she could open them. {GMA didn't have a picture of June looking ahead. Their pic below.} You can tell her daughter keeps gaining weight, too. As a mother, I'm so upset that I'm influencing my child by my unhealthy lifestyle. I would never wish ill health or bad habits to be instilled into Baby S. That is a part of why I'm on my journey to get healthy. Not just for me, but for him! For all the moms out there, that don't have that same wish for their child {to live their best and healthiest life}, just breaks my heart.

{Side note: after googling images of June, I noticed it appears she has lost some weight! That is great news. Like I said, I don't keep up with them; I do not know their lives, situation, or challenges. If she is actively working to a healthier lifestyle... then I am here to be her cheerleader! I hope she chooses health and wants to be a better role model for her daughter.}

So, from one extreme to the other...

I use to watch The Biggest Loser all the time. It would be on a roller coaster of emotions. I was inspired, broke down, motivated and ultimately proud of their accomplishments. Eventually they lost some of the trainers and it became more of a "game" than a journey to lose the weight. I caught a couple episodes this season, saw the 3 finalists and they looked great! I know they  generally tone up and lose a little more weight at the finale. Once I saw David, I thought he had it in the bag. He had done so well and you could see his muscle tone. I was shocked to see the winner was indeed, Rachel. I've never seen a winner and thought they didn't deserve it. They all bust it and worked so hard to where they are now. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it. I'm also not saying she has an eating disorder as many news stations {gossip channels} are stating. I won't go that far. I think she may have lost the most weight possible just to win the money. I was just disappointed that the winner didn't appear to have optimal health. I didn't really see much muscle tone. I think she actually looked better at 150lbs. instead of 105lbs. Yeah, she needed some toning at 150lbs., but she was close to the right weight for her height. I feel it's wrong to do "skinny bashing" as much as it is to do "fat bashing." I'm proud of her for staying committed and losing the weight! I hope she gains a little bit back now that she won. {Or just gain her muscle tone back}. 

I'll let you decide your own opinion on her weight loss...

So what do you think? Looks good or too far? Skinny does not always = healthy. {Think Anorexia..} Again, reiterating, I'm not saying that she is anorexic. I don't think she has a problem, I think she just went to the extremes to earn that cash prize! I just hope she is on a good path to maintain and live healthily. I'm routing for June and Rachel. We all need cheerleaders and not people to judge us on our journeys.

As women, we already feel the pressures of society to be "perfect." Britney Spears {LOVE HER!} said it perfectly in her song "Piece of Me" on her come-back-from-crazy album "Blackout:"

"I'm Mrs. she's too big now she's too thin..."

We, as women, can never and will never please "everyone" in the world. There will always be someone who says we are: too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too ugly, wear too much make-up... etc. etc. Since it's impossible to please everyone, lets stop striving for it! Don't think "I want/need to look like [insert celebrity]." Think "I want to be healthy and look good so I can feel like a super star for myself!" 

Next time you are at the store or out in public... look around, but don't judge. Empathize. See the woman next to you who looks like she has it all together? Don't compare yourself to her. Neither of you know each other's stories. Maybe she was in your shoes a year ago. Don't look down on her because she has accomplished her goals! And to that woman who looks down at someone like me, don't look so disgusted. I'm trying! I want to do better and be better. You don't know where I'm going or where I've been. Can we all just agree to support one another and stop judging each other? *Steps off soap box*

Matthew 7:3-5

Not giving up

  I am still challenged everyday by the decisions I make. Should I eat this or that? One bite won't "count," right? I've done pretty good... I could indulge today. So on so forth. I have made a lot of good choices, but I have slipped up and made some not-so-good choices too. Samuel and I have eaten out 4 times since January 10th. I have gone out an additional time, without Sam. Two times at Subway {good choices!}, once at Chili's, {I got salad that wasn't exactly a "healthy" salad...} and chinese food {I don't even have to say what I got, because it's obvious that it was a bad choice}. Yesterday my in-laws took me out for lunch and we had Olive Garden. I decided to stick with the "lighter" menu. I ordered their garlic rosemary chicken. It was okay. I really missed eating my "regular" shrimp mezzaluna. I struggled with only getting one helping of the salad {since I knew the dressing was fattening}; I tried to avoid the breadsticks, but they were just STARING at me. I mean, right? They were STARING! Ugh. So I had two. *Sigh*

Life happens...

I typically try to have a specific topic to cover in each blog, but today I'm too tired to be creative. #Sorrynotsorry

I'm in Oklahoma and today is cold, snowy, wet and did I say cold? Brrr! I'm really ready for the Spring/Summer. I love Summer time! I love laying out, soaking in the sun, swimming, and being able to go out to the park to walk/play anytime. As much as I want that pool to be opened, I'm not ready for "swimsuit season." I wish I would be closer to goal by May/June, but I know that's unrealistic. Time is not on my side... it never is. {Two things I'll never have enough of: Time and Money. Wah Waahh! *Sad Trombone*}

This post is random. Just warning you now...