I am still challenged everyday by the decisions I make. Should I eat this or that? One bite won't "count," right? I've done pretty good... I could indulge today. So on so forth. I have made a lot of good choices, but I have slipped up and made some not-so-good choices too. Samuel and I have eaten out 4 times since January 10th. I have gone out an additional time, without Sam. Two times at Subway {good choices!}, once at Chili's, {I got salad that wasn't exactly a "healthy" salad...} and chinese food {I don't even have to say what I got, because it's obvious that it was a bad choice}. Yesterday my in-laws took me out for lunch and we had Olive Garden. I decided to stick with the "lighter" menu. I ordered their garlic rosemary chicken. It was okay. I really missed eating my "regular" shrimp mezzaluna. I struggled with only getting one helping of the salad {since I knew the dressing was fattening}; I tried to avoid the breadsticks, but they were just STARING at me. I mean, right? They were STARING! Ugh. So I had two. *Sigh*
I think it's time that I start tracking everything I'm eating. Every single bite. Any little morsel that goes into my mouth... I want to start being accountable. I don't want to just "pretend" it didn't happen. I don't want to convince myself it doesn't matter, or that it's okay. It's not. I can't keep making these excuses. {Notice a theme here? I seem to make a lot of excuses!} Even if I'm not officially started on WW, It's time I keep track of my meals and possibly track caloric intake. I have to do something in the meantime and I think this sounds like a plan.
I can't give up.
I'm still trying to find healthy ideas to cook for dinner. We order groceries from One Harvest {Food Ministries}. Samuel gets a discount through his employer, so we get a bunch of food for a really good price. A lot of what we buy is meat. It also comes with some extra sides and goodies. Anyway, the point is that we use this as a way to save money. As always, everything that is more cost efficient is a lot less healthy. They give us full fat beef. Breaded chicken. Sausage. Some better choices* like chicken breasts, pork chops, and steak. {*Portion control is key}
I have to figure out different ways to cook these things without them being completely unhealthy. For the most part, it ends up being a rather fattening dish that I try to eat a small portion of. It's really discouraging when I try so hard, and feel like it's an inevitable battle I will lose every time. I'm not very creative when it comes to cooking. I've really only started cooking frequently once I quit my job to stay home with our son. I never use to cook. I really don't like/enjoy it. {Baking is my thing, unfortunately. I'm good at baking and love to do it...} I cook because, well quite frankly, now I have to! Not just because I should and because it's healthier... but because that is what fits our budget.
Sam and I were having a discussion over the weekend, and we determined we could solve ALL OUR PROBLEMS with more money. Wouldn't that be nice?! I say this jokingly, of course, everyone wishes they had more money. But truly, it seems that it would be very helpful! I'm not saying money buys happiness, but it would make me happy if:
- I could lose weight and be healthy {do TSFL again} if we had the money
- We could buy healthy groceries, go organic, get away from processed foods {etc. etc} if we had the money
- Join a gym, pay for a membership if we had the money
- Go out together on a date, enjoy our time without being worried about bills if we had the money
- Go to the Dr. when we need to if we had the money
- Pay our bills and have money left to put into savings if we had the money
...You get the point. It seems we've exhausted all resources and it all comes down to the dollar. We coupon, we eat at home, we don't pay for extra services {including cable t.v}, I don't go shopping, I buy generics or gently used products, we don't go out, and we still struggle.
I'm not trying to air our dirty laundry or make anyone feel sorry for us. It's just something I thought I'd share. I know people in my life that make 10X's what Sam and I make in a year. When I hear them talk about being broke, I could just cry. It's the biggest slap in the face!!
Even though we are trying to figure things out for our family, we still keep trucking along. We can't just throw our hands in the air and say "we give up!" We are so incredibly Thankful, Grateful, and BLESSED that we CAN: pay our bills, have a beautiful home to live in, have 2 cars, diapers for our baby, food in our pantry, and love for each other and our families. We know we are taken care of... God takes care of us. There are people who are worse off then we are. I can't even fathom it. As hard as it is to stay afloat and figure out life and money... I try to remain positive, reminding myself not to take what I have for granted.
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