A lot on my mind today...

Hey everyone! First, I wanted to thank each and every one of you that have come up to me {or contacted me} letting me know that you not only support me, but read my blog!! THANK YOU! It means so much to me that I have people who are interested in what I am doing to get healthy, supporting my decisions, and possibly being inspired by my journey. It helps keep me going.

And boy... have I needed the encouragement lately! My poor little Baby S is sicky. It started out as symptoms from teething, but all the junk hasn't been draining at night and caused a sinus infection. His poor little throat is raw and he just whimpers every time he coughs or swallows. It's awful. Mommy has been very exhausted, worried, stressed, and emotional. 

These types of feelings are huge triggers. Last week, on Facebook, I expressed my need craving for a cheeseburger. I won't go into details of exactly what I wanted to order, because even thinking about it has some sort of Pavlov's Dog effect on me! {*Drool*} Anyway, I'm proud I didn't run down the street to the nearest burger joint. Instead I made a MF brownie.

As the days go on, and the stress and fatigue set in from taking care of a fussy babe, the urges to cheat go off plan grow. I've been surrounded by AWESOME looking and smelling food lately and it is wearing on me. We had a potluck {that I willingly went to for the fellowship} at church on Sunday and that was SO tempting. I survived. I also went to a youth-group gathering that evening and got to hover over all the delicious desserts I wanted to devour. HA! I torture myself...

Confession: I tried the dark chocolate covered pomegranates. I had never tasted pomegranate before and wanted to know what it is like. I ate one. It is literally the size of a nickel. It was really good and I was happy with one. {Which is so not me...} I am also not mad at myself for it. I don't think that will affect my weight loss. Eating the whole bag would be a different story. I didn't want to lie about it though.

I know that it can be a slippery slope with trying "just one thing off program." I know that "I could just try that once," turns into - the next day me saying "something small won't hurt!" This could continue to snow-ball into "I'm going to have an off-program dinner, but I'll make better choices later." Yes, it escalates quickly, at least for me. I did that this morning. I felt like completely giving up. I thought, "I've done good so I'm going to eat this food that is off-program because I need to just de-stress!!" Oops. I immediately went back on program eating my meals. I know I'm doing what I need to. I'm not perfect. There are going to be times I don't make awesome choices. 

I think it's a pretty big step for me to:

1. Not get mad at myself for going off plan
2. Get right back on plan
3. Know what my triggers are {being aware and conscious of decisions}
4. Not give up
5. Learn from my "mistakes" and not hide them

So - to the main reason I'm here today! *UPDATE*

I weighed in this morning and I've lost another 3.5lbs. WOOT! I think I'm hitting a rhythm. The thing I noticed about last week and this week {with my good numbers} was I ordered NEW food. I don't know if I mentioned this last week, but I had settled with donated and expired foods when I began this process {because I'm struggling to afford the program}. So I was using my old food from the last time I did TSFL. I wondered if the expired food would slow my weight loss. I think it did. I know I was adjusting for the first week or so, but changing my diet so drastically should of produced better results than what I was getting. Anyway. The good news is the new food tastes better and it helping me towards my goal! 

I'm at 213.5lbs. It's a good feeling to be that much closer to getting under 200lbs. More good news? I fit into my size 16 pants. I found them in the back of my closet and put them on... walked out asking my husband if they looked too tight. His response was very reassuring. I was happy to hear him say "WOW, you can really tell how many inches you are losing when you wear clothes that fit you!" There is no one I'd rather hear that from. I definitely love and appreciate everyone who takes the time to compliment me, I really do. It's very kind. But hearing sweet compliments from my husband is the best. I really have a hard time believing the things he says sometimes, just due to my own insecurities, but I try to accept them.

I've noticed this time around that I have a serious issue with "what I see" versus "what he {or others} see." Without going into too much detail... I paused in front of the mirror after my shower and thought "my belly flap {yes that's what I call it...} looks a little smaller!" I've been very worried about sagging skin. I looked down and then thought, "oh wait, no. It looks the same?!" So I turned to him for comparison and asked what he thought. I asked him about how it looked before I started losing weight. Long story short, what I have been seeing and still see is not what he sees. And not like in the sort of way that people say "well he loves you and he ignores it." But legitimately, he was like "you've never looked like how you are describing." Anyway. It was weird. It was eye opening. I'm very hard on myself...

I'm working on it. 

Thanks for reading!