Guess who's back, back again!

It's been a minute since I've logged onto my blog! Not much has been going on in my world since I last connected with y'all. I gave up on my last "diet." UGGHH! I thought I could go without carbs, but that was just not going to happen!

I feel that I'm failing...

I'm sorry that I haven't been courageous enough to come on here and just be truthful. I've been putting off writing about the past two weeks, because it's "easier" to ignore the problems than try to resolve them! 

Refocusing

I'm really trying to get back on track with everything lately...

Cooking, cleaning, blogging, getting in more movement {not being so LAZY}, eating right... 

I've just kind of been doing "whatever" lately and it doesn't feel right. I've been a lot more tired and sluggish. When I go off program, it affects everything in my life. It's pretty amazing what eating healthy does to your body. It transforms me entirely. Mind, mood, body, attitude, focus, drive, motivation... etc. 

Long overdue

Oh my ... I haven't posted At ALL in June! How pitiful! I've been a bit busy, but that's no excuse to forget about updating for all you lovely people out there - right?! HA!

For real though, I haven't updated since the day after Memorial Day and there's plenty to talk about.

A lot on my mind today...

Hey everyone! First, I wanted to thank each and every one of you that have come up to me {or contacted me} letting me know that you not only support me, but read my blog!! THANK YOU! It means so much to me that I have people who are interested in what I am doing to get healthy, supporting my decisions, and possibly being inspired by my journey. It helps keep me going.

It's been 4 weeks!

It's Monday, so of course that means I'm back with an update! I feel kind of guilty that I only come to blog on my weigh-in day. It was nice getting to come here a few times a week, but life gets busy. Honestly, I'm not really sure how many people check this out anyway. I suppose if I felt like I got more traffic, I'd make more of an effort. It's okay though, because I like tracking weekly just for myself.

Transformation Tuesday... Kind of...

  Yesterday was weigh in day, and I'm happy to report I have lost another 4 lbs! YEAH!! 8 pounds down total in 3 weeks. Not exactly where I wanted to be, but I'm still happy to be moving in a positive {or negative.. wink wink} direction. I buckled down with eating on time, no excuses! Also started measuring everything exact, ate "leaner and leanest" options for my lean and mainly ate the low carb options for my "green." Seems to have helped.

First week down

I had lots and lots of fun at my brother and sister-in-law's house this weekend. We had such a nice visit and I was so happy we got a weekend away! I told y'all traveling was such a trigger for me... with all the temptations, I was nervous about how I would do.

It's go time!

I've been formulating my plan as to how I'm finally going to buckle down and do this weight loss thang. In the mean time, I've been trying to continue making healthy choices. Sometimes I was really good and sometimes I was really... not.

If you don't read this entire thing, just read the last 2 lines!

It's been a long time. I'd like to pretend like I've been uber busy and preoccupied; you know, say that's why I've been gone, but that would be a lie. I haven't been doing anything. Just sitting around, napping, playing with Baby S, munching on junk, and moping...

FAIL

Hey everyone! Here's an update to how I've been completely failing myself and my health. UGH! I weighed in at 232lbs. at yesterday's weigh in. Yeah, I have pretty much given up on all attempts at healthy choices. I feel stupid even coming on here to admit this, but I told y'all I would be honest!

Choose health... For you & your family!

Yesterday Baby S had his 9 month baby-well visit. I was discussing various things with the pediatrician and got onto the topic of his diet. I'm constantly worrying about whether he eats too much {rarely worry about him eating too little... if you saw a picture, you would understand! Ha!} and whether I'm feeding him what he needs for proper nutrition. #FirstTimeMom #MommyProblems

No judging.

  I was watching Good Morning America this morning, as I do every morning, and they had a special guest on at the end of the segment. It was the infamous Honey-Boo-Boo and her momma. First, let me just say that I have NEVER, Never, e.v.e.r. watched their T.V. show. I also never saw her on the show Toddlers and Tiaras, where she first became infamous. I just can't handle it. I think it is so sad. Second, It's borderline child abuse, in my opinion, when you completely exploit your child. She is famous for being overweight and funny, so her parents encourage this outrageous behavior. I do not know their life, I do not know their circumstances or struggles. I'm not here to judge. I am however entitled to an opinion. I am capable of making different observations about them.

This is not judging. I have no room to talk about someone being overweight and unhealthy, because that's me. That's my life. It's personal. It's hurtful. I speak purely out of concern.

There is a difference between knowing you're unhealthy and wanting to change and ignoring you're unhealthy and refusing to change so that you can have a T.V show. When I saw the mom, June, on GMA I just thought "how sad!" You couldn't even see her eyes. She didn't look like she could open them. {GMA didn't have a picture of June looking ahead. Their pic below.} You can tell her daughter keeps gaining weight, too. As a mother, I'm so upset that I'm influencing my child by my unhealthy lifestyle. I would never wish ill health or bad habits to be instilled into Baby S. That is a part of why I'm on my journey to get healthy. Not just for me, but for him! For all the moms out there, that don't have that same wish for their child {to live their best and healthiest life}, just breaks my heart.

{Side note: after googling images of June, I noticed it appears she has lost some weight! That is great news. Like I said, I don't keep up with them; I do not know their lives, situation, or challenges. If she is actively working to a healthier lifestyle... then I am here to be her cheerleader! I hope she chooses health and wants to be a better role model for her daughter.}

So, from one extreme to the other...

I use to watch The Biggest Loser all the time. It would be on a roller coaster of emotions. I was inspired, broke down, motivated and ultimately proud of their accomplishments. Eventually they lost some of the trainers and it became more of a "game" than a journey to lose the weight. I caught a couple episodes this season, saw the 3 finalists and they looked great! I know they  generally tone up and lose a little more weight at the finale. Once I saw David, I thought he had it in the bag. He had done so well and you could see his muscle tone. I was shocked to see the winner was indeed, Rachel. I've never seen a winner and thought they didn't deserve it. They all bust it and worked so hard to where they are now. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it. I'm also not saying she has an eating disorder as many news stations {gossip channels} are stating. I won't go that far. I think she may have lost the most weight possible just to win the money. I was just disappointed that the winner didn't appear to have optimal health. I didn't really see much muscle tone. I think she actually looked better at 150lbs. instead of 105lbs. Yeah, she needed some toning at 150lbs., but she was close to the right weight for her height. I feel it's wrong to do "skinny bashing" as much as it is to do "fat bashing." I'm proud of her for staying committed and losing the weight! I hope she gains a little bit back now that she won. {Or just gain her muscle tone back}. 

I'll let you decide your own opinion on her weight loss...

So what do you think? Looks good or too far? Skinny does not always = healthy. {Think Anorexia..} Again, reiterating, I'm not saying that she is anorexic. I don't think she has a problem, I think she just went to the extremes to earn that cash prize! I just hope she is on a good path to maintain and live healthily. I'm routing for June and Rachel. We all need cheerleaders and not people to judge us on our journeys.

As women, we already feel the pressures of society to be "perfect." Britney Spears {LOVE HER!} said it perfectly in her song "Piece of Me" on her come-back-from-crazy album "Blackout:"

"I'm Mrs. she's too big now she's too thin..."

We, as women, can never and will never please "everyone" in the world. There will always be someone who says we are: too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too ugly, wear too much make-up... etc. etc. Since it's impossible to please everyone, lets stop striving for it! Don't think "I want/need to look like [insert celebrity]." Think "I want to be healthy and look good so I can feel like a super star for myself!" 

Next time you are at the store or out in public... look around, but don't judge. Empathize. See the woman next to you who looks like she has it all together? Don't compare yourself to her. Neither of you know each other's stories. Maybe she was in your shoes a year ago. Don't look down on her because she has accomplished her goals! And to that woman who looks down at someone like me, don't look so disgusted. I'm trying! I want to do better and be better. You don't know where I'm going or where I've been. Can we all just agree to support one another and stop judging each other? *Steps off soap box*

Matthew 7:3-5

Not giving up

  I am still challenged everyday by the decisions I make. Should I eat this or that? One bite won't "count," right? I've done pretty good... I could indulge today. So on so forth. I have made a lot of good choices, but I have slipped up and made some not-so-good choices too. Samuel and I have eaten out 4 times since January 10th. I have gone out an additional time, without Sam. Two times at Subway {good choices!}, once at Chili's, {I got salad that wasn't exactly a "healthy" salad...} and chinese food {I don't even have to say what I got, because it's obvious that it was a bad choice}. Yesterday my in-laws took me out for lunch and we had Olive Garden. I decided to stick with the "lighter" menu. I ordered their garlic rosemary chicken. It was okay. I really missed eating my "regular" shrimp mezzaluna. I struggled with only getting one helping of the salad {since I knew the dressing was fattening}; I tried to avoid the breadsticks, but they were just STARING at me. I mean, right? They were STARING! Ugh. So I had two. *Sigh*

Life happens...

I typically try to have a specific topic to cover in each blog, but today I'm too tired to be creative. #Sorrynotsorry

I'm in Oklahoma and today is cold, snowy, wet and did I say cold? Brrr! I'm really ready for the Spring/Summer. I love Summer time! I love laying out, soaking in the sun, swimming, and being able to go out to the park to walk/play anytime. As much as I want that pool to be opened, I'm not ready for "swimsuit season." I wish I would be closer to goal by May/June, but I know that's unrealistic. Time is not on my side... it never is. {Two things I'll never have enough of: Time and Money. Wah Waahh! *Sad Trombone*}

This post is random. Just warning you now...

Heading in the right direction

  Thank goodness it's Friday. Can I get an Amen? 

Let me tell you, this week has been something else. With my emotions running high, being completely stressed out and worried about finances, Baby S teething again, not thinking I was making great choices {but not giving up}, family members getting sick and having surgeries, and being so busy in our every day life that I feel like I don't even get quality time with my husband... *deep breath* it's been a long week.

After everything,

Excuses, Excuses

First off, Happy Hump Day Y'all!

  I've been pretty down lately. I haven't been making the greatest decisions. I've been lazy. I've been making a lot of excuses...

It has never been easy {even when I've been in shape, healthy, skinny} for me to be active or eat healthy when the I'm on my period. {Side not to all the guys: Sorry dudes, this is totally a girly girl's blog and we're all grown-ups here. Girls have periods. Surprise!} I have the worst PMS. It just knocks me off my butt! Seriously. Major fatigue, back ache, headaches, cramps, extreme moodiness, CRAVINGS, and increased hunger. I like to crawl in bed and sleep the week away {but that is completely unrealistic, especially with a baby}. The CRAZY comes out and I pretty much say "bye bye" to healthy choices. Chocolate? DID YOU SAY CHOCOLATE!? Yes, please! Greasy mexican food? Count me in! Dessert every night? Sign me up!

Weigh in!

  I realized I have not done an update about how my weight loss is going. I forgot to weigh in this morning. {I always weigh first thing in the morning, after using the restroom, completely naked and before doing anything- like eating or showering.} 

It happens e.v.e.r.y t.i.m.e!

   

Sorry I've been slacking with my posts this week! Who has two thumbs and has been super sick? 

I'm fairly positive that I don't have the flu, but I've got whatever comes right under that. Yes, that is a self-diagnosis. No, I haven't gone to the Dr. No, I don't have any plans on going. Today is the first day that getting out of bed has been halfway doable. Maybe it's because I actually have to get out of bed today to take care of my child!? HA! Mommy problems! 

{Side note: Huge THANK YOU to my dear mother in law who is always willing to take Baby S for the day to help me out in any way. And she does so HAPPILY. #Blessed}

Anyway,

A little life lesson from Megan on "Bridemaids"...

I'm baaaaaack!

My poor little Baby S ended up having a tooth pop up! We believed he had been teething for, like, 2 months {with all the chewing, biting and drooling going on}. So glad he finally cut that tooth. It took forever. Whoever says babies don't get fevers when they teeth are just plain silly. Every tooth he has had he has been super fussy, acting sickly, and has at least a low-grade fever. This time, it was a little worse.