I feel that I'm failing...

I'm sorry that I haven't been courageous enough to come on here and just be truthful. I've been putting off writing about the past two weeks, because it's "easier" to ignore the problems than try to resolve them! 

Choose health... For you & your family!

Yesterday Baby S had his 9 month baby-well visit. I was discussing various things with the pediatrician and got onto the topic of his diet. I'm constantly worrying about whether he eats too much {rarely worry about him eating too little... if you saw a picture, you would understand! Ha!} and whether I'm feeding him what he needs for proper nutrition. #FirstTimeMom #MommyProblems

Just Dancercise

Yesterday I had the pleasure of enjoying a nice, long, hot shower with Pandora blasting loud through the speakers. {Sam took the baby out, so I was home a lone.} It's one of the many things that I absolutely adore! Playing my music at an absurd volume and singing in the shower. I don't really get to do it anymore; whether I'm in the car or in the shower/bath, with little ears around, I have to keep it at a reasonable volume. 

No surprise here...

  Surprise, {or not} it's Friday and I didn't weigh in. I'm not going to lie {as always... I feel I'm pretty honest and open on here..} I said last week that I knew this week would not be pretty. I'm pretty terrified! From the last weigh in the scale moved in the wrong direction and I'm back up to

Excuses, Excuses

First off, Happy Hump Day Y'all!

  I've been pretty down lately. I haven't been making the greatest decisions. I've been lazy. I've been making a lot of excuses...

It has never been easy {even when I've been in shape, healthy, skinny} for me to be active or eat healthy when the I'm on my period. {Side not to all the guys: Sorry dudes, this is totally a girly girl's blog and we're all grown-ups here. Girls have periods. Surprise!} I have the worst PMS. It just knocks me off my butt! Seriously. Major fatigue, back ache, headaches, cramps, extreme moodiness, CRAVINGS, and increased hunger. I like to crawl in bed and sleep the week away {but that is completely unrealistic, especially with a baby}. The CRAZY comes out and I pretty much say "bye bye" to healthy choices. Chocolate? DID YOU SAY CHOCOLATE!? Yes, please! Greasy mexican food? Count me in! Dessert every night? Sign me up!

Bettering myself in every way possible

  Not only am I working towards my weight loss goal, but also bettering my overall person. Mind, body and spirit. What does that mean, really? Well for me, when I'm overweight and unhealthy, I'm not the best "me" I can be. I'm more hateful, more withdrawn, lazy, anti-social, unmotivated, depressed and less focused. I'm so unhappy with myself that I tend to be angry/bitter/rude with people that are in a good place in their life or happy. How incredibly selfish and horrible of me?! Well, with the bad comes the good; realization, ownership, apology, repentance, and regret. Since I have recognized this awful behavior, I'm setting out to right my wrongs. 

I feel like I'm in a 12 step program or something! Hi, I'm Lauren and I'm a food addict...

Today I called someone that I didn't show much love or compassion to, when they were in a time of need, because I was so unhappy with my own burdens that I couldn't be "bothered" with other people's problems. *Le Sigh*  I apologized and told them how I'm trying to do better, be better. Luckily for me, we're family and I was forgiven.

Not only have I wronged those I love most, but I've been a horrible example to those that don't even know me. My faith in God and being a Christian is my top priority in life. If I'm too "busy" being negative, depressed, uncaring and hateful, how am I being a light to the world? I'm not! Who would ever be brought to Christ looking at my attitude?  I'm suppose to be set apart from the world and be a light in this dark, dark world. The world tells us "it's my body and I can do what I want" but my body is the LORD's temple. I'm suppose to take care of it! But I digress...

Being healthy in mind, body and spirit is so important to me. It's not just about the weight loss... It's also about being the most loving wife, the best mom, the best friend, the compassionate sister, the helpful daughter, the most "Christ-like" Christian woman that I can be. Being mentally stable. Being emotionally available. Being physically capable. It's all a package deal.

How does being over-weight affect you? Are you held back physically? Are you sure that is all? Is there more to the discomforts of being overweight than you think? If you've never been at your goal weight or if you've never been healthy... You may not know the real you. There could be something or someone bigger than you {not physically..} inside of you that is waiting to be revealed to the world. 

I want to leave you with this challenge...

Name 5 positive things about yourself: *****

1. I'm funny
2. I'm a good listener
3. I'm good at baking (is that good when you're trying to lose weight? Lol!!)
4. I'm loyal
5. I'm outspoken (I suppose this could be good or bad depending on whom you ask.)

Name 3 things you love like about your body: *****

1. My eyelashes
2. My ...

*****Okay I have to be honest. I literally stared at this part of my post for about 10 minutes just thinking... And thinking... And thinking... And I almost erased this section. I decided to keep it for those who are struggling like me. The point was to uplift myself because of all the negative self talk. I'm constantly criticizing and putting myself down. I wanted to show myself I have positive things to say...

Wow. I really showed myself I have a long way to go. It was almost impossible and unbearable to come up with the first 5. Then the second list was only 3 things I like about my appearance and I couldn't muster up anything. I'm not going to be where I want to be after a few days. These changes don't happen over night.This is a process. When I'm in a better place, a healthier place, I'm 100% positive I'll be able to list several things I love about me.

When I get to that place, I'll make a repost and update!*****

Getting started, where to begin?

  

  Welcome to my journey. I'm just starting, so if you'd like to follow a long and join me, I'd love the support! If you've stumbled upon my blog here, I have a feeling my story isn't much different than yours. Here is my background...

 New mother of a 7 month old (8 months on the 22nd!) and wife to an amazing husband who supports me and loves his family so much. To no surprise, my weight gain, this time around, came during my pregnancy. In August 2012, I got a positive on my pregnancy test and was so thrilled! I had started losing weight earlier that year; dedicated to losing weight to have a baby and I met my goal. 150 lbs! Yay me! Unfortunately, I felt I could take a break from my strict lifestyle and have a carefree pregnancy. I gained all of my weight back plus some, during those short 9 months.  I have a lot of weight to lose, but this isn't the first time I've struggled with weight...

Let me back it up further.

 In high school I played volleyball and it kept me in great shape. I weighed about 150-160 and I was solid muscle. After I graduated (in 2006) I weighed in at about 165-175. I immediately started gaining weight, since I was no longer active. I was also struggling with a lot of dysfunction in my family that was causing severe depression. Over the course of several years I was getting larger and larger. I was already dating my husband in high school and we married in 2008. We both blew up the scale and realized something had to give. My husband yo-yo's a lot. I tried fad diets and of course it never stuck. My heaviest in December of 2011, was 220 lbs. I knew that I could not go on living this lifestyle. I found Take Shape For Life {TSFL} and used Medifast products starting in April of 2012 (after doing WW for a few months and losing an initial 20 lbs. then plateauing) and it was my life saver! I began the program and knew that if I could meet my goal, then I could finally allow myself to start trying for a family. So if you're keeping track- From April 2012 to August 2012- I lost about 50 lbs. YES. That is no lie.  TSFL helped me drop that weight in a snap. During my pregnancy I gained about 60-65lbs. Yikes!! What did I do? Well, I just knew for sure that whatever weight I gained during my pregnancy would come right off with breastfeeding and going back on program, with TSFL, right??? WRONG. Breastfeeding helped for the first few weeks and I was down from 227 to 207. Awesome! Yeah, except, I was soo much hungrier breastfeeding then what I ever was pregnant. After the breastfeeding stopped helping me lose, the pounds started sneaking back up. 

 Now we are up to date, to today, right now. As I sit here and type, I'm officially at my heaviest ever and I feel fat, gross and hopeless. The worst set of numbers in consecutive order that I have ever seen... 2.3.7. In any other circumstance, those numbers mean nothing to me, but put together in that order = utter disgust and failure. What have I done to myself?

 Well you may be thinking "if TSFL worked so well, why are you not just going back on it as planned?" Unfortunately due to me quitting my job to stay home with my son, I cannot afford to go back on the TSFL program. We are on a very tight budget, but it's worth me being home to raise our son. So, that is why. For anyone interested in the program, I will link my health coach's website here and you can contact them with any questions. Seriously, if you can afford it, then do it!! So, moving on, what does this mean for me?

 Today is day one. No, I haven't actually started any fancy program and I cannot afford the gym either, but my mindset is focusing on what I'm going to accomplish in 2014. If your New Year's Resolution is to "lose weight" then please give up on that right now!! Let me explain.. How many times has that been your resolution? How many years do you fail? Exactly! This year will be different! This year is about a revolution! Let's make a change in ourselves. Let's  make a lifestyle change! I don't want to lose this weight, because I have no hopes or plans for ever finding it! I want it gone and a part of my past that will better me in my future. I want something that will change me for the better, forever! How about you? Are you wanting to make a lifestyle change this year? Let's do this! Follow me on my journey and help me succeed! Encouragement, strength, comfort; All the things I find in my faith, and with God on my side, with the support from my friends and family and encouragement from fellow journey-takers,  I can do this. 1/8/14. It begins...

My goals (in no particular order):

• Lose about 80 lbs.
• Lose the weight be the end of the year
• Be able to run around with my son (or just chase after him) without being tired easily
• Be comfortable in my own skin
• Gain back my confidence
• Be a better wife, physically, mentally and emotionally
• Be a good example for my son
• Be an inspiration for other mothers

What are your goals for this New Year?