I'm sorry that I haven't been courageous enough to come on here and just be truthful. I've been putting off writing about the past two weeks, because it's "easier" to ignore the problems than try to resolve them!
I have been off program for the last 2 weeks. I'm not happy about it. I'm not necessarily doing it on purpose. I don't have much product left and I can't re-order right now. Life happens. Bills come in. Big bills, you know, the ones that come every 6 months and you totally forget about them?! Yeah...
Some days I try to eat health consciously, but then I realize I don't really have a house stocked full of "healthy" choices. I haven't had to worry about buying groceries for me, except for my lean meats and greens. Sam doesn't exactly eat that healthy. All his groceries are frozen, deep fried, packaged foods that are convenient. Baby S's groceries are healthy, but that's HIS food. I'm a mom, what can I say! I feel guilty about not feeding him healthy. I'd rather be unhealthy, if that means letting him be healthy. So... I feel stuck. I need to wait for the next paycheck to go grocery shopping again. I want to get back on program; do I spend waste money on food that I may not necessarily eat later {if I'm back on program}? Do I just go with the flow until I figure it out? How long will this take? When will I figure it out? Am I willing to gain back this weight that I've lost?
That last one is easy to answer: a big fat NO! The other answers don't come so easily. I hate when I get like this! When I feel completely out of control. When I don't have the answers. When I feel so lost. When everything is SO uncertain. That's the worst. Uncertainty.
I weighed in with no weight loss. 206 lbs. I'm thrilled I haven't gained, considering the CRAP I've been eating. Completely changing my eating habits hits me hard, though. I've been SUPER tired. I've been napping almost daily. Unfortunately, I've also been dealing with a lot of stress. I'm such a stress eater!! Baby S got HFMD {Hand-Foot-Mouth Disease}. That was AWFUL! It was seriously worse than any cold or teething episode we've been through thus far. Thankfully, he is doing 100% better and almost completely healed. Then the money thing. I swear, we will never "catch up."
My wonderful and amazing husband works hard and has been working EXTRA hard the past few weeks to make us some extra income. I'm so happy to have a man willing to do what it takes to provide for us. Unfortunately, as mentioned above, we had a massive bill that we forgot about. That extra income got wiped out. {I don't know what we would have done if he hadn't worked that other job!} Every time I'm excited about getting ahead, something ALWAYS happens. Always...
I know we are incredibly blessed. I know that we are taken care of. I know that we will make it. I just wish, sometimes, we weren't "getting by" - but rather thriving. Maybe that's the wrong attitude and maybe there shouldn't be any "buts." I suppose this is a good lesson on being content? I struggle with this.
As with everything in my life... I'm working on it.
P.s. I joined the 30-Day Plank Challenge on FB. If you want to join privately, you can follow this schedule:
Our schedule is exactly the same, except they challenge you to do it as long as you can on day 30. (My group is on day 8, but I'm on day 2.) Start with day one and just do 30 consecutive days. If you want/need the support... feel free to join us!
I've been on a blog hiatus myself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You can eat responsibly and make good choices off the program. Plus you have already made results, it shows in the recent pictures I saw of you on the 4th of July, on facebook. You will make it. You can do this, don't let one small road block stop you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Becky 😀 I appreciate the encouragement! Hope you're doing well.
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